Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
