Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
pray to the hookup gods
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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