You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize