Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
