Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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