it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i will never coherently bang her
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
