But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
