You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
