i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
