did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
