Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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