She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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