Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
