Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
