Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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