i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
