I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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