apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
