they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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