that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
