just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize