Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
