You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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