I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
