he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
