Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
