Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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