I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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