i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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