If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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