you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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