what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
