he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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