Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
