i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
