I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Shame - the story of my life.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
