I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
