Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
