This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
