If i come over, it means nothing
dude i'm inner monologue high
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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