yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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