Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
