just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
