No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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