Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
