Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I think I have vodka in my lungs
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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