just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize