I'm so fucking centered right now
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
