Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
