fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
