I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
