who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
