I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
