There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
