I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
