How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I think I have vodka in my lungs
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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