Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
