Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
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