just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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