I should be sponsored by Trojan
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Randomize
