I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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