haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
