So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
