Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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