I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
