spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
