i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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