Jerry, you need to find god
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize