I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Quick, to the slutcave!
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
