finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
