Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
