Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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