New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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