i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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