Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i just google imaged poop.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
