It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
