I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
