You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize