Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
