I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
