It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
