The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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