They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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