She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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