I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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