It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
