and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize