Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
