If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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