He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
