so that wasnt chicken after all
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize