Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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